Words...

Words are funny things. Groups of letters that carry so much meaning when put together in just the right way. The whole childhood rhyme about words not being able to hurt is a big fat lie, I think. Words can change lives. I think about my friends who are married. They stood up in a church and said words to each other which now constitute a binding contract, a promise they spoke to each other with lots of witnesses. And then a few years later, words turned their families of two into three and now in some cases four! Yes, these women were pregnant before the doctors told them so, but it was those words, "You're pregnant, you are going to have a baby!" that really brought this new life into reality. Words are powerful, life changing even.



On Friday, I experienced the power of words in my own life and have been thinking, dwelling, obsessing over these words since. I had a biopsy done on three different lumps that had been found in my breasts on Thursday. The radiologist was very positive and felt that the biopsy went quite well. I had a follow-up appointment on Moday with my surgeon to get the results and in my mind, forget the whole thing ever happened and go on with my very busy spring semester. However, words had different plans! The results came back from the lab early and the surgeon called my daddy who then called me to ask me to come by the house after school. So I did. And then my sweet daddy had to speak words that would forever change all of our lives. He had to tell me that I have breast cancer. Those two words, "breast cancer" are powerful alone but when combined with, "you have," well, I don't even have words that are powerful enough to explain the power, change, emotion that are carried in that particular grouping of letters.



I am still processing all of these words. I have told my closest friends, face-to-face, over the telephone, and via e-mail. I will never be able to escape the awfulness of seeing shock and heartbreak mingled on my best friends faces and knowing that I caused that. Or the sickening silence over the phone when the words that I just spoke make themselves real to the sweet listener on the other end. Or even worse (and selfishly better all at the same time), sending those words out into the vast internet and knowing that a person that I care about will at some point in the future unassumingly click on that message and be forced to read and feel the power of those words.



Being who I am, I have always found healing in words, especially those that are written down and preserved for multiple readings. I find it so freeing to write down all of the words that swim around in my head, especially at bedtime, even if they tend to be a to do list for the next day at school! So, I hope that you will indulge me and this blog as I use my insufficient words to find some freedom and healing in the coming weeks and months.